Change is something that most of us have some level of difficulty with. The fear of the unknown or fear of failure is common with many of us and it can inhibit our chances for healthy growth.
When I decided to give my mental health a real chance, it was hard. Real hard. Hell, there are a lot of times when it is STILL hard but that is the price of improvement. Navigating the world of mental health is a lot like learning a new skill or hobby. Aside from the anomalies who are naturally good at everything they touch, most people are going to stumble in the beginning. Sometimes you trip and sometimes you fall but you have to get back up and keep going.
I was tired of dealing with the constellation of issues that made my poor mental health. Each one, depression, anxiety, self-loathing, paranoia, and so many others might be handled on their own, individually... but when a few all are going on at the same time, that's too much. I tried my best to manage them all without any outside help but I couldn't do it. The mental and physical exhaustion that came with the mental gymnastics I was doing was a detriment to my health.
I started with an honest conversation with my wife and my doctor. I told them everything that I was feeling, thinking, and doing. I expressed my desire to get better and that I was ready to put in the work.
I started with laying out all my emotions and thoughts. Everything was being taken down to its most basic level. Each issue (sleeping, anxiety, etc) was handled independently unless the overlap was beneficial. I never thought about how hard it would be to talk about ME. I felt like I was being judged or compared to other people but it was just my mind reeling about being so open. It made me mad, real mad. I wasn't mad at anyone in particular, just at how I allowed myself to get to this point.
It was going to be a tough row to hoe...
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