Better Tech, Better Sleep Pt. 1

**I’m gonna split this post into 2-3 posts because it might be a lot of content.**

I have been on a mission, a quest of sorts, in pursuit of better sleep. I feel that many of my issues (sure I'm not alone) are/were rooted in poor sleep hygiene.

This will be a multi-post series on my sleep journey.

I don't think I had sleep issues growing up. Sleep was always something that just happened and was routine. In high school, it had a shift to being awake most of the night and sleeping all day... Typical teenager stuff.

Then came the military, where sleep was critical and sought after. Sleep deprivation was a tactic used to create stress and it worked. Every day was physically and mentally exhausting and there just was not enough time for more sleep. 

*Insert deployment rotation*

Traveling through time zones is hard on anyone. Throw in night ops, guard duty, medical rotations, and compound attacks... Well, it gets crazy quickly. We get used to it, get into a rhythm, and make it work. 

*Redeploy home*

No processing time. No adjustment period. We try to re-integrate but it's hard. Even with our train up cycle... It's difficult to find that rhythm. 

*Deployment rotation*

Now add in IEDs and more gunfights. 

*Redeploy home*

Sleep is trash. It's making home life hell but I don't know where to start to fix it. 

*Deployment rotation*

We’re gonna substitute the gunfights with abuse patients and trauma injuries. Burn wound debridement, minor surgery, and a mass casualty event. Let that bounce around between the ears, then...

*Redeploy home*

I'm tired. I'm angry. I'm culturally disoriented. 

I can't sleep... And when I can, I don't want to because of the nightmares. So I drink more, which makes my sleep worse. I'm more tired, and angrier. This cycle self-perpetuates into a life-altering event.

Where could I have changed? Done something differently? 

It could have started with recognizing that my sleep was no longer in sync with my daily demands. I was running on minimal restorative sleep and building a large sleep debt… but I didn’t have to have it that way.

Sleep is simple. It’s fairly black’ish and white’ish. It’s either good sleep or it’s not good sleep. So let’s break it down…

(Continued in Part 2…)

Choosing Change Part 1

Change is something that most of us have some level of difficulty with. The fear of the unknown or fear of failure is common with many of us and it can inhibit our chances for healthy growth. 

When I decided to give my mental health a real chance, it was hard. Real hard. Hell, there are a lot of times when it is STILL hard but that is the price of improvement. Navigating the world of mental health is a lot like learning a new skill or hobby. Aside from the anomalies who are naturally good at everything they touch, most people are going to stumble in the beginning. Sometimes you trip and sometimes you fall but you have to get back up and keep going. 

I was tired of dealing with the constellation of issues that made my poor mental health. Each one, depression, anxiety, self-loathing, paranoia, and so many others might be handled on their own, individually... but when a few all are going on at the same time, that's too much. I tried my best to manage them all without any outside help but I couldn't do it. The mental and physical exhaustion that came with the mental gymnastics I was doing was a detriment to my health.

I started with an honest conversation with my wife and my doctor. I told them everything that I was feeling, thinking, and doing. I expressed my desire to get better and that I was ready to put in the work. 

I started with laying out all my emotions and thoughts. Everything was being taken down to its most basic level. Each issue (sleeping, anxiety, etc) was handled independently unless the overlap was beneficial. I never thought about how hard it would be to talk about ME. I felt like I was being judged or compared to other people but it was just my mind reeling about being so open. It made me mad, real mad. I wasn't mad at anyone in particular, just at how I allowed myself to get to this point. 

It was going to be a tough row to hoe...