Moving on

I try to live in the present, in the now. I didn’t always live that way… I didn’t live that way for too long and it almost cost me my life. 

I’ve learned to put some things down because the weight of the memory is just too much. I won’t be missing out on any more family/friend experiences because I have issues that I won’t handle or take care of. It’s a lot easier said than done but I will share how I’m doing it.  

You’re going to sit down with yourself and have a real hard conversation. You have to ask yourself the hard questions:

1) Am I happy with myself?

2) Are others happy with me? For me?

3) Am I making anyone’s life better/worse?

4) Am I doing what I want to do? Or on the path to what I want?

5) Do I have any REAL problems? (Substance abuse, physical abuse, unhealthy addictions, etc.)

6) Am I willing to be receptive to outside suggestions or help?

7) Am I willing to be honest and vulnerable about myself, what I think, and how I feel?

These aren’t all the hard questions you could ask but they are the ones that I remember going through the most.

1) Am I happy with myself? This is a tough one but you have to be honest! Are you happy with YOU? The person you are in this moment? Not content, not accepting, not tolerating… happy. If not, there is room for improvement.

2) Are others happy with me? Do you cause fights? Create stress? Are others glad to see you and happy you are there? For me? Are friends and family proud of your station in life? Are they seeing positive lifestyle choices? 

3) Am I making anyone’s life harder? You might have to talk to the people in your life for this one. Have you made anyone’s life more difficult just being who you are? Is there added stress just by dealing with me? 

4) Am I doing what I want to do? Or on the path to what I want? Gut check. This question can run down limitless rabbit holes regarding work, hobbies, social life, activities, etc. Not everyone will find a “dream job”

5) Do I have any REAL problems? (Substance abuse, physical abuse, unhealthy addictions, etc.) Everyone copes. We have to sometimes but we need to work on having positive mechanisms in place, otherwise we make our situation worse. If you have substance abuse problems and want to get better, there are ways to do it. Include family and friends, they want you healthy and happy. If you have addiction issues (I did) you have to distance yourself from the situations that allow that behavior to thrive. It requires self discipline and work but it’s worth it. Getting that demon off your back is such a relief but you won’t realize it until your past it. Trust me.

6) Am I willing to be receptive to outside suggestions or help? I remember thinking “I’m good. I don’t NEED help. I don’t need someone dissecting me and telling me where I am broken. Truth is… a lot of times we DO. I went into this area very skeptical and doubtful but I was wrong. I wish I had just allowed myself to be vulnerable sooner because it may have avoided so many dark roads. To the people who say, “shrinks don’t know me” or “they won’t understand my job/culture”, that’s an excuse. They don’t have to… they understand the brain and how it works. Regardless of your life, job, or experiences, mental health professionals will find a way to reach common ground with you… if you let them.

7) Am I willing to be honest and vulnerable about myself, what I think, and how I feel? If you aren’t going to be honest… don’t waste anyone’s time. You can’t receive help if you are not willing to be honest with yourself. Make a better version of YOU and allow others to help you.  

It’s a hard road to hoe but it’s achievable. It requires real work and effort. There are no short cuts, no magic tricks, and no silver bullets. You will cry (that’s ok) scream (that’s ok) and want to give up but don’t, it’s an investment in your future.