**for this post, I will be referring to the "brown form". This is my departments injury documentation form. Each department has a different name or reference for this document.**
Every day we hear stories/reports of first responders taking their own lives. Its all the same...
"What happened?", "Could this have been avoided?", "Why didn't he/she reach out?"
I think we are our own worst enemy and here is why... “Brown Forms”.
I have responded on calls where I injured my back and when I got back to the station I filled out a “Brown Form”.
My partner was assaulted by a patient... Brown Form.
A guy gets injured during PT... Brown Form.
We can document our physical injuries as much as we want but what about the emotionally/mentally damaging events? How do we document that?
Where's my Brown Form?
The countless traumatic fatalities we repond to... Where's my Brown Form?
The 100th time we have told an elderly man or woman that their spouse of 50+ years has died... Where's my Brown Form?
All the abused neglected children we transport... Where's my Brown Form?
Fact is, we have chosen to neglect the documentation of our mental well being. We have service records for equipment to document all the miles/hours of use and to justify repairs, upgrades, or replacements. We log all kinds of activities into Firehouse (or whatever state/locality required documenting program) to track our performance but is there a code for logging mental well being? No, there isn't.
Who is to blame? We all are. We have allowed this to happen and will continue to allow this to happen. Why? Because we (as an industry) are scared of the unfamiliar dark waters that lie ahead. Its easier to stay in the "always did it this way" world.
Thats fine. We have a work around for this and its called personal responsibility.
There is no program, workshop, or accredidation that you can achieve that will fix our industries mental well being. We have to step up and handle this individually.
When I was in the Army, I didn't have someone who held my hand or pushed me into the Division mental health clinic to assess my issues. They Army didn't care... and why should it. It doesn't have the means or resources to evaluate EVERY individual on a regular basis to determine mental wellness. If I don't say anything, they assume I am fine. It's MY responsibility to take charge of my health. I have to be the one to go to my physician and discuss my issues and concerns. It my responsibility to seek help. Not my spouses, not my officers, not my departments... MINE.
The localities we work for or volunteer for do not have the means to give us what I received from the Government. There is no state “Veterans Affairs” for first responders... Maybe one day. We have state disability but its different so we have to do the foot work ourselves and I believe that my health is worth the effort.
Do you?
Now, let me say this... I am NOT saying all the programs we have in place are worthless or a waste of time. What I am trying to say is WE AS THE INDIVIDUALS who may need help cannot and must not expect for the mental wellness programs to come to our rescue like the calvary. I have been there and it is fucking miserable. When a person gets to the point of seriously considering suicide, its almost too late. That person is in such a deep place... It's hard to get out. For me, that place was so isolated, so cold, so frightning, I couldn't see any other way out. No program can teach someone what to say that will provide a light. The outsiders words fall on deaf ears. It was ME that chose to give life another go. Not a class, or a friends words, or even my wifes. I chose to stand up again, after the overwhelming abuse that my mind had inflicted on ME. We need to push the INDIVIDUALS to recognize that they have the power to stand up and say "not today". We have to empower individuals to believe in themselves and learn to fight for their lives. We ARE in this together... But only if we allow each other in.
"When you replace I with WE even ILLNESS becomes WELLNESS."
